Day 18: I Wish I Was a Toys R Us Kid

Back in the day, when I was a major tomboy, I played really hard. At recess, I played hard. At PE, I played really hard. Even at church youth group events, I played really freaking hard.

Clearly this is the reason why I could eat a ridiculous amount of food (like a whole pizza) and not become obese (I had a little pudge in elementary school, but never have I ever been "fat.")

These days, I eat ridiculously healthy and monitor everything that goes into my mouth. I workout whenever I actually have the time and energy. And I cannot for the life of me figure out why I can't get back into my size 2 jeans (mind you, I have a small frame).

Last night at dodge ball, it all came together.

It's the first game of the season, and the Sha-BOOMS!!! are together again after a kinda rough football season, and just as rough of a kickball season. But we play for fun and play by the rules, unlike some of the ruthless teams that will do anything to win.

It's the first match of the game, and the first string of players (4 girls, 6 guys) are all dodge ball veterans. Thus, I'm standing on the sidelines w/ the other ladies and gents that aren't playing, and cheering on my team. Holy freaking cow, I have never seen balls fly faster and harder in my life (no sexual puns intended...get your mind out of the gutter). Suddenly, without a half-second to blink or move, a ball comes flying at my face. My face burns, my contact has been knocked out of my left eye and is sitting on my cheek, and I can't believe my nose isn't bleeding.

Blah blah blah, I get the contact back in, make my eyes stop watering, let my vision become adjusted, and then hop into the second match.

For the entire game, my strategy is to block/dodge the balls and hand balls to the guys who are more capable of throwing. Anytime I throw a ball with my weak little arm, I may as well be handing it to someone on the other team. They catch it, I'm out. So I give up on the throwing thing and just play defense.

Cut to...

The second to last match. There are maybe three or four of us left. I'm using a ball to block the balls that are flying my way. Next thing I know, BAM...right in my face AGAIN!!! My contacts are still in, but tears are streaming out of my right eye. So when I can finally see past the tears, I notice my vision isn't so great. But, I push on and eventually throw the ball (which is caught, I'm out...of course).

I go home with a headache, and dizzily crawl into bed before I get too nauseated and throw up. But hey, I slept like a baby!

Somewhere during the mild concussion i suffered, it all made sense. Back in middle school, I never would have gotten hit in the face...because I would have dominated and taken out every bastard on the other team first. I played hard, and I mean hard...like a dude. I wasn't scared to throw a ball, because my balls didn't get caught. And because I was strong, agile, and fast. Now, I'm like a little girl in middle school...a wimp.

So, why can't I lose weight as quickly as I used to? Why can't I lose weight even though I eat vegetables and rice and soy like it's my job? Because I don't play. I don't play, I don't dance, and I don't run like I used to...like I did when my knees didn't suck, and when I had all the time in the world.

I sit. In an office. For about 8 hours a day. And then I run errands, go grocery shopping, go to meetings, and sometimes I find the time/energy to go to the gym.

Real life sucks. I want to be a kid again.