Day 37: Soul Food, Anyone?

Dear Internet,

In my first blog, I mentioned why I have never kept diaries: I have a way of getting into trouble with the words that come out of my mouth (or pen). But I forgot to mention the other reason I never kept diaries: I'm really, really bad at keeping up with them. Hence why this is my first post since January 15th...I'm such a slacker. I know.

Thankfully, I have friends who keep telling me to write another blog (my friends fucking ROCK!) so here I am! Back on the blog, and no idea what I'm going to say.

A couple people have requested that I write a blog where I rant about health insurance. They probably think that if I blog about it, I won't bitch about it out loud as much. Sorry guys, but if I blog about that right now, it's all I'm going to be able to talk about for days/weeks. (As of now, I am uninsured, and pending approval from another insurance company because Anthem SUCKS ASSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!). <---See, you don't even want me to get started right now.

I could blog about how I'm still trying to eat mostly vegan, but there really aren't any stories to tell right now. I eat vegan about 85% of the time. Blah blah blah...

I could blog about my lack of physical activity lately due to ridiculous amounts of snowfall keeping me stuck inside, but talking about what I'm not doing isn't nearly as entertaining as talking about what I AM doing.

So then, what am I doing?

Right now, fucking nothing...and I hate it.

Anyone who has ever known me will typically associate me with the word "busy." Whether I'm busy working, rehearsing, performing, going to various organizational meetings, cooking, busting ass at the gym, socializing, or any of the other million things I love to do...as long as I'm busy, I'm happy.

But lately, I've realized that I've got a lot of time on my hands, and I don't like it. My calendar is not nearly as full as I'd like (there are empty spaces, for crying out loud...what the hell???). And what's worse is that, as hard as I look, I can't find the right things to fill in those spaces!

Don't get me wrong, I love that I have time to go to the gym and hang out with my boyfriend and friends. And I'm sure this is better for my mental health and all (what...did you think I was going to neglect the fact that this whole blog idea is about my journey to a healthier lifestyle?). But sometimes I wonder if a little bit of stress isn't actually good for you.

The thing is, when I'm not keeping myself ridiculously busy (or even moderately busy), I don't feel very accomplished. And when I don't feel like I'm accomplishing much, I feel unmotivated. Having a full calendar keeps me pushing forward, makes me want to wake up early to work out, gets me to USE my energy instead of just letting it lay idle.

Do I want to give up my time with friends? Absolutely not. Do I want to give up my nights in the gym? Hell no. But I need something more...

So how do I find balance in this? (If you don't already know, Balance is my personal mantra.)

How do I find balance so that I don't have too much free time, but also don't lose all of my free time? Where do I find activities or a 2nd job that will fulfill that need to go out and DO something, that will allow me to interact, to move around, and to make good use of the energy building up inside?

Because right now, I feel like my soul is being unfed...and I'm just waiting for the opportunity to take a big, fat, delicious BITE out of life!!!

Side note: I would love any and all suggestions. Just remember that I'm broke, so activities that cost money are OUT...but activities that make money are IN!!!